I walked back and frth on the hospital’s corridor, squeezing in my hand the empty glass of coffee. Five hours have passed since we arrived here after she collapsed in my arms. Five hours in which I remained on the corridor, waiting for the doctors to come and tell me that she…she was alright. I couldn’t even think straight. Her last words were playing inside my head like a broken CD and I made a habit from caressing my lips which were kissed by her.
I turned around and saw grandpa Han, Hyun Seung and the others coming towards me.
“What happened? What’s wrong with her, Seung Hyun?”asked Hyun Seung with worried eyes.
“She’s going to be ok, isn’t she?”asked Taeyang as well.
“I-I…I don’t know,”I lowered my eyes and looked down at my wet shoes. “No doctor came out of her room yet and no one else knows what’s wrong with her…”I was on the verge of crying. “Grandpa…I’m afraid.”
“You’re afraid?”hissed Hyun Seung. “HA! Don’t joke with me! You promised me that you’ll take care of my little sister! You promise me that you’ll protect her! And this is how you did it?!”he pointed at the closed door. “AND NOW YOU’RE AFRAID?!”he raised his voice, makinf every medical staff that was on the hallway, look at us.
“Hyun Seung…calm down please,”said grandpa.
“Excuse me, but can you keep it down there?”asked a nurse. “This is a hospital after all!”
We all bowed. Hyun Seung puffed his cheeks and threw himself on one of those uncomfortable chairs that were right next to the white wall.
“I’m sorry,”I mumbled and turned around to hide my tears.
He was right. I should have protected her.
From the rain? Yeah…I should have bought a freakin’ unbrella! I should have taken down my blouse and hold it above her head. I should have done something…right?
The ward’s door opened and a tired doctor stepped outside. “Are you her family?”
“I am her grandpa,”the old man stepped in front. “Tell me, is my granddaughter going to be alright?”
“You managed to stabilize her for the moment, but I can’t promise you anything,”the doctor looked over the chart.
“But what’s wrong with her?”
“She had a hand failure.”
“Hand failure?”I repeated confused.
“Yes. Her right hand is no longer accepted by her body and all the sutures are being desintegrated by the metabolism. And because one of the tubes cracked, all the liquid went to her blood, poisoning her,”he explained. “I don’t understand why now. Why didn’t she had this two years ago when she had the surgery?”
“Please doctor, save my granddaughter,”pleaded grandpa Han.
“I’m sorry. I did my best. Now, it’s all up to her…”
And he left. He left me there, having that incapabiliy of breathing normaly…
I leaned my forehead agains her ward’s door. “Please fight, Ra Nae…please don’t leave…”
The hours I spended in the hospitals…I don’t remember them. All I know is that at some point I left. I ran away from that pressure I was feeling around me. I ran outside where the rain was still pouring down his tears.
“WHY?! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO RAIN?”I yelled just like a mad man to the sky. “I HATE YOU!”I threatened the grey sky with my fist. But it was no use. There was no one up there to listen to me, to see my tears, to make me realize the truth I’ve been hiding from myself for the past few days…
I walked through the rain. The streets were empty. I stopped in front of a tavern. Something to drink would be nice…
“One bottle of red wine, please.”
After I paid for the bottle, I took a sit at an empty table and looked at the dark bottle and at the empty glass. The temptation was great. The temptation to open the bottle, pour the red liquid in the glass and take a sip…just one sip from it, was great.
“Why did you have to appear in my life?”I shook the bottle. “Why ddi you have to appear and make me open up to the world? Why did you have to be so close? Why did you have to be so tough? Why?”
I opened the bottle and let the red wine flow inside the clean glass. The smell was tempting, the color of it was tempting…everything was tempting about it. My hand squeezed the cold glass, but I couldn’t place my lips on the edge of it. I just…couldn’t.
“I can’t drink,”I placed the glass on the table. “If I give in now…then what will I do later on?”I mumbled to myself as I stood and left the tavern.
I couldn’t drink because it was just like flying, only that it had the reverse effect. It would bring down everything Ra Nae worked so hard for. And I will not do that! She saved me from myself, so I will not drown myself once again in alcohol.
“You get to get yourself up and get on with yourself no matter what yesterday threw at you or what tomorrow brings…is that it?”I looked up at the sky.