It's not the first time I let the ship leave the port.
No. And it's surely not the first time I write this on the sand-like paper of my diary.
The emotion of the ship leaving today is still lingering around my mind, making my heart tremble at the sight of the sapphire blue sea. The same day as last year and the same black eyes watching me from afar, begging me to say 'Stay.'. Just a word and he would have jumped right in the water, swimming his way to me. Just a word and my pride would have fallen under the spell of the heart. So I just bit my tongue as I stood there. A windy day, a sorrowful day.
So he left. Once again I bound to watch him go and unleash my true side that I keep hidden from him. The sad me, the emotional me, the romantic me...he never knew that 'me'. He only got to love the cold, rational and sarcastic 'me'. Why? Why can't I show him that side of me that writes him letters of love every single day, throwing them in the sea at the sunset? Why is there so much night in front of my eyes, making me feel all scared of the dark, but leaving me mute and unable to call his name?
I feel like I have two souls trapped inside my frail body. One mind that isn't able to stop them from switching places everytime he's around...And it hurts. For I love him more than I should ever lover someone like him. For I want to say so many words to him. But they remain trapped inside my throat, refusing to leave my body. Two souls and one mind. One soul and two ways of behaving around him.
And now his gone. He's with the Sea again and I can't do a thing even though everything I see around me is kinda blur right now. Tears. I'm crying? Oh poor soul, what have you done to me?
Oh poor me! What have I done to myself?
Oh poor him! What have I done to you?
Will you still love me, just as I am? Love the two faced soul of mine, 'coz he keeps all the love I have for this world. I give you all and everything I have...