Monday, May 21, 2012


My keyboard doesn't want me to stop.
My piano is still playing...
The Moon is high up in the sky and she knows the reason I soley should keep a secret.
So I'm asking you:

Fingers All Over My Piano

The sweet melody that's running through my veins. No, it's not the blood's song nor my soul's pleading.
The past that pressed the keyboard of the old piano...
The flame that consumes me inside-out...
The thoughts that never crossed my mind are now putting me through Hell. Of water. Of silence. Of unspoken words. Is there really no end? No end to this suffering? No end to this crying? No end at all?! When will I stop looking behind and start seeing that the present me is the weak spectrum of the future me? Of the stronger me? Of the soulless me?
And sometimes, I wish I had a sponge and wipe off all the dust from the blackboard of my heart...

I'm strong. I know I am. I can feel it inside of me, that power of letting go. But I have to work hard in order not to regret what I do. 'Coz I shouldn't even blink when I'm turning my back, show my middle finger and step inside the rain of ashes. I will be strong...

And it smells off burned bodies. And I look behind. All that darkness that follows me doesn't allow me to see it. The wrong I did, the bad I left, the things that remained behind me-all scattered and broken by time.
Time...please speak to me in this endless void that covers my sleepless eyes. Please tell me that I was right...that I will never look back and regret letting go.

And the piano plays one last melody as the lines appear on the white sheet of paper. everything is written from the heart.

"I walked away so that you can live better..."

Friday, May 18, 2012

Cuvânt de încheiere

Noi nu mai suntem suflete.

Lasă, lasă-mă

Lasă storul netras ca Luna să se ridice și să vegheze asupra nostră.
Lasă becul și ascultă de întunericul care, astăzi se înfășoară în jurul nostru până ce totul de închide în sine și dispare.
Lasă-mă pe mine, cea arsă la un colț de stradă. Și nu mai adulmeca mirosul mlaștinii de hoituri ce putrezesc pe caldarâmul albit parcă de zăpadă. Aici nu-i loc pentru visători sau doamne...Aici se desfășoară Sfârșitul.
Lasă-mă să-mi ascund trecutul sub așternut. Apoi poate voi reuși să te privesc și să nu te judec, pui de năpârcă!
Lasă scaunul deoparte. Aici nimeni nu se așează. Căci e un cerc de fac ce trebui întreținut. Și dacă n-are ce arde, atunci te va lua pe tine.
Lasă-mă să-mi înghit scrumul pe care visez să ți-l arunc între ochi. Minți și ai mințit. Cum priviri răzlețe și cuvinte îngălbenite pe un fragment de creier înăbușit.
Lasă casa să ardă. E Luna cea care veghează.
Lasă-mă să mor. Să fiu Aici Mereu...

Nu plânge ploaia

Uscată și arsă
Lipsită de conținut.
Așa așa curge ploaia peste țigara care încă arde pe podeaua veștejită.
Nu e un acoperiș care să o țină departe de casa ce stă să cadă.
Și o înghite pământul însetat.
Și o înjură oamenii care fug cu pungile pe cap.
Și o salut eu, că mult mi-a mai lipsit.
Și nu-i stea căzătoare care să nu-mi fi stat în cale. Și-apoi te-ai suprapus tu Disperare și totul, totul a căzut într-un vid al cunoașterii ancestrale.
Și nu-i colț de memorie care să mă adăpostească de Soarele ce-și aruncă sulițele arzânde peste trupul meu.
Doar ploaia ar putea să mai răcească rana cauzată.
Dar ea e dusă și nu se mai întoarce.
Nici lacrimi nu mai există. Și așa piere totul, totul.

Tu unde te-ai dus?

Wednesday, May 16, 2012


Strângeți mantia, tu zeu al măștilor.
Ascundeți chipul încă o dată.
Acele buze creionate și fardate cu un puternic roșu se cade să spui cuvinte pe care nu le crezi. Și nu le crezi azi și nu le crezi mâine. Dar le-ai crezut ieri mai mult decât alaltăieri....Și cu toate astea s-a ales praful de stelele ce mi le-ai aninat în păr.
Cuvinte prinse între ele. Un șir ce-ajunge pân' la Lună.
Și se desfac.
Vreau să-ți privesc conținutul orb.
Să știu ce se ascunde în spatele mătăsii.
Și lovesc asfaltul...

Păpușa mea de paie.
Păpușa mea aprinsă.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Chapter 31(The End). Epilogue About Him And Her

Life always goes on. Even if we don’t want to, we still, somehow, end up moving forward.
Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. No. It means to honor the memory of the others, but at the same time to visualize your own dream, even though they were long forgotten. That’s moving on. And that’s exactly what Choi Seung Hyun, pilot at Kirin Airlines did for the past five years that came and went like days and nights.
The sun’s rays went through th clean window and landed on his face, disturbing his peaceful sleep. He smiled at the warmth and covered his eyes with the back of his right hand. He was asking for just a minute or two of sleep…but then the alarm clock began ringing.
“I understand! I understand,”he mumbled as he threw the blanket off of him and stood from his bed. His hair was a mess and his face had that sweetness of the sleep. He went to the bathroom with heavy steps, only to follow the same rutine once again. It was the same since five years ago:waking up at 7 o’clock sharp, taking a shower and brushing his teeth, eating breakfast while listening to the meteo broadcast, leaving the apartment at 8 o’clock sharp. Nothing different, nothing new, nothing difficult.
That morning was no different from the others. Only what followed…
Seung Hyun’s POV
I took my schedule from the secretary and left to take my bag from the loker room. This flight was going to be superb! Australiawas beautiful in this period of the year. It was summer and the sun was just right for tanning.
“This is captain Choi speaking. Thank you for choosing Kiring Airline! We’re going to take off in few minutes. The temperature now is -5°C. The temperature in Sydney will be 20°C, so I hope you packed some warm clothes. Enjoy your trip!”
I ended my speech and closed down the mic.
“Ready for taking off, co-captain Jang?”
Hyun Seung nodded and I pushed up the lever.
I went for a walk through the park. The weather was so nice that I could not bear to stay put inside the hotel room! So I took my sun glasses and left the room. At the hotel’s entrance, I noticed a group of stewardesses that was following a short pilot. I smiled to myself…
“Excuse me!”the short pilot said. “I think this are yours…”
The voice…

And once again I state what same thing:life’s a bitch!
And saying goodbye ain’t an easy thing to do. But it’s necessary and mandatory at some point. ‘Coz leaving the one you love takes courage and a lot more than you could ever imagine…it takes years to forgive yourself and to give yourself a break from all the shit you’ve been thinking about.
That’s what she did, except for the forgiving part. Why? ‘Coz in her opinion, she didn’t have to forgive herself since she did nothing wrong by leaving him behind.
Her life went on another path. She moved to Australia and took flying lessons at a well known company. And eventually she became a full time pilot at Kirin Airlines sister company, Kirillin Airlines. She was alone and suffered from loneliness, but sticked with her plan and never contacted him again. Of course, she wrote long letters to her brother and to her grandfather, but she never told them where exactly she was, as she send the letters from other countries.
She changed herself. She became soft-spoken and a lot more gentle. Actually, she let her real self get out of the box.
But she missed him every single day of the five long years that passed by her…
Ra Nae’s POV
It was my day off.
I took the file that had sheets of paper in and went outside on the balcony to write my next letter for grandpa. But what should I write this time? The usual ‘I’m healthy and everyting is ok here’? How could I break the rutine of the letters and write something more than that? How could I change the boring style of that addressing forms?
Could I tell him the truth? That I miss Seung Hyun just like I missed him back then, right after I arrived here, in a place that had no connection whatsoever with me?
Could I ask him about Seung Hyun? What has he been doing all this time?
Could I tell him the truth about me? That I was still painfully longing to go back to a place where nothing waited for me?
And I once again wrote the same dull ‘I’m healthy and everything is ok here’…
The weather was perfect! That’s why I ended up loving Australia!
I gave a tired smile to the stewardess in my right as we walked towards the hotel where the group was going to stay till their next flight. I was going home after that and metal prepare myself for the first holiday in a long time…
As we headed towards the hotel, I found a wallet. “Oh…someone must have lost it,”I picked it up and looked around. I saw a tall man with a nice build body walking towards the park. “Excuse me!”I called him. “I think this is yours…”
He turned around, having a confused look on his handsome face. I forgot to breathe. I forgot what I was doing there and that I was supposed to leave. I forgot everything as time stopped around us..he was there, standing in front of me. He didn’t change over this past five years. The same toned body with long legs, the same brownish hair and sparkling eyes.
And that’s when I asked myself, how in the world did I manage to let go of him back then?
I joined him half an hour later after I changed myself into more confortable clothes. I led the way to this amazing park that had a running track going up the hill. From up there, you could clearly see all the city…
We chose one bench and sat down. I took quick glances at his face. I was wrong when I said that he didn’t change. Some wrinkles appeared in the corner of his eyes, making him look even hotter. AHEM!
“So, you’re a pilot now?”his many voice made me quiver.
I nodded.
“And all this time you were here, in Australia?”
Again, I nodded.
“Why don’t you say something, Ra Nae? I missed your voice…”
I stared at the ground. Because I had no confidence that I would not start crying once I open my mouth?
He started laughing. “This is awkward for us,”he giggled and looked at the sky. “And it shoudn’t be, right? I mean, from what I can see you’re still the monster I met almost six years ago.”
“Yah!”I snapped, smiling like a clown. “What monster?”I jumped on my feet. “I’m a beautiful lady now that works as a pilot and that…”
His arms stopped me as he pulled me into his embrace.
“I missed you. I missed you like Hell this years. I almost went crazy after you left. I thought I lost you forever,”he whispered into my ear as his arms hugged me tighter. “I was angry at you. I ripped your letter only to stick the pieces back together later. I cried after you. Your grandpa is my whitness.  I missed you like crazy, you little monster…”
“Yah…who are you calling a monster, fatto?”I smirked.
“Fatto?”he laughed. “Now you should be calling me ‘slimmy’’ or ‘prince’!”he winked, making me roll my eyes.
“Yeah right…and that will be the end of the world,”I tried to push him away.
But he pulled me back. “I won’t let go. Just so you know that from now onwards you’re mine to keep.”
The words were stuck in my throat.
“I love you, Kim Ra Nae, my little monster,”he cupped my cheeks with his hands, looking straight into my eyes. “And I’m never ever letting go of you again.”
His lips on mine was the only real sensation. It was the only real feeling. It was…the end of my bad dream.
I was home. Finally, after a wandering for so long, I was finally home…
And that’s the end.
Love was never simple in its concept, nor easy to get. But if you stick to it like glue, you might get the happy-ending they all dream about. Although you have to meet halfway and always stay true to the one you chose, you’ll never lose yourself in the process.
This was their love story and how they eventually met halfway in this crowded world.
It began in a sunny summer and it ended in the same season, with kisses and confessions long hidden from the world and from themselves.
They were for each other the ‘Cure For Summertime Blues’.

T h e E n d