Monday, February 6, 2012

Once upon a red tree's leaf

Chapter 18:~ Angelology

"I'm home,"I whispered, not feeling my vocal cords.
"Seung Ho hyung! Joon won't let me! What's wrong with you?"asked Mir, stopping his babbling.
I sighed. "I'm just...tired. What's wrong?"
Mir opened his mouth, but Joon's hand stopped him. "Nothing!"he smiled, giving Mir a warning look.
I nodded. "Then I'll go to sleep."
"Go, go, go! We'll wake you up after G.O. finishes cooking the dinner. If he does that this century!"he smirked.
"YAH! I heard that!"yelled G.O. from the kitchen.
I sighed and went to my room. I was way to tired to quarrel with them. This past month I spent it in the studio, working on the melodies for the album. My schedule was really tight, but I still managed to steal away some time for myself, 'coz I had one big task I needed to accomplish:finding the one who was always wearing a red vest. I swear, it was the most difficult task I ever had! I felt like it was one of the Sphinx's riddles! Complicated, no way way out...There was no way out for me. Out of this hectic life, out of this obsession I've got. My love is actually an obsession. No, it's worse than that. It's like being on the edge of a cliff, and even though you know you're going to die, you're hanging on the edge, clinging onto your own last seconds of life. That's how I was clinging onto her...or better said, her memory. I often wondered why was I doing all of that just for her? Was she that important to me? Was my love that strong, that it survived over years and forgotten memories? Wasn't I loving just a mere memory?
Those were the darkest days of my life. The making process of the album was eating my nervs alive. And my faith. My faith in me, in her, in us. In the existance of God. I  began doubting and questioning:wasn't I loving the past and forgetting all about the present? Was Mi Rae even real? Or at least alive?
There was a meadow. The grass was green and the birds were happily singing in the trees. The wind was softly caressing my cheeks, bringing to me the scent of wild flowers. But then the sky got dark and a thunder storm began. It was like the sky broke and he began crying...with small notes, that were slightly burned.
"The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.  "
"Angels have no philosophy but love."
"Angels descending, bring from above,
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love."
"Music is well said to be the speech of angels."
"What's this?"I mumbled, letting the last note fall.
"Do you still believe you lost all your faith?"a voice asked from behind me.
I slowly turned, drawn by the scent of lillies. "Mi Rae!"
She smiled, looking so beautiful with her hair moving in the angry wind. All the powers of the sky were yelling, and yet her soft voice traveled to me...
"Do you, Seung Ho?"
"I lost it. And it's nowhere to be found. Mi Rae, I think...I think I can't do this,"I whispered, avoiding her blue eyes that were watching me with a sad expression. "I can't walk on water and believe I won't drown. I can't...find you. I'm sorry, Mi Rae."
"Don't you believe in me, Seung Ho? In us?"
That was the question: why was I so insecure?
" may not be the real thing I belived you are, Mi Rae,"I admitted. "I no longer know what to believe! That riddle gave me white nights, but at the end of them I still couldn't find the answer."
She then stepped closer. She walked through the raging storm and approached me. She was barefoot...
"Touch me,"she demanded, streaching her hand towards me. "Feel me. Can I be just a phantasm when my hand is warm?"she whispered as I touched her soft, white skin.
My eyes widened when I felt her pulse under my fingers. And her warm skin. She smiled.
"The answer, Seung Ho, the answer was always in front of you,"he smiled.
"Mi Rae..."I caressed her cheek. "What are you, Mi Rae? Are you an angel?"
She just smiled. Her thin body was slowly fading away, 'coz after all, it was just a dream.
"Don't lose hope, Seung Ho."
I nodded as her face dissapeared. 
The sky seemed much more calmer. I won't. I won't lose my faith, my hope or my way. My way to her was a path carved in white stone so there was no way I could ever miss it. All I had to do was keep walking further. I will find her someday and love her like no other...
"The guardian angels of life fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down upon us."

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