Sunday, March 25, 2012

Chapter 14 ~~ The Momentary Flames Of Pain

And I tried. 
I swear I did.
I did tried not to think about taking my life. I would have been to ashamed to face my ancestors. Or at least, I should have been. But the thought itself was bugging me. The image of me, burning inside of my dirty nest was...obsessing. And not only that. The fact that I would end the life of the monster I was, ending the sufferings that held my heart and at the same moment, killing the wold's most dangerous predator, was thrilling. But that's what it remain:only a thought, an image fixed inside my head. I did not have the courage to do such a thing. I did not...why?
The answer was to come later on.
Days and nights, they all passed the same way. I endured the burning hunger that was devouring me inside out and I remained inside the nest. I could only smell the night's air that was coming through the ventilation.
Days and nights, they all brought to me the same thing: loneliness.
I swallowed my tears and kept my mind shut, ignoring the screams inside, the begging and the curses that my own mind was yelling at me. I shut my whole being down even though I knew that it will short the distance between me and the abyss which darkness was horrifying to me.
Days and nights I watched the abyss coming closer and closer to the only place where I could hide from myself.
And I fought against it. I pushed every barrier that I had inside of me, trying to stop the advancing the illness that was attacking the last corner of my mind. I fought the darkness and won so many battles...only to lose the war. And when I gave up, I began hearing the clock inside of me, ticking like a bomb, threatening to blow up at any point. I think that's when it all began. My madness...
Days and nights I felt myself being swallowed by that dark revelation.
"I was not made for here,"I sang while I brought in the canisters full of gas inside the old house.
I smelled the damp air one last time. The mold was growing blue on the walls, turning grey and black in the corners. The furniture was old and odd. Now, even in the basement, the air was dirty and damp. Where was Zico when I needed him?
"Mercy comes with morning,"I continued humming while pouring the gas all over around me.
Blame the madness or the loneliness if you want. But I knew what I was doing. I was going to put an end. I was selfish.
"Where are those damn matches?!"
The little box was waiting paciently for me on the table, next to the old sofa. "C'mon! Let's burn the world!"
The first stick I dropped on the floor and nothing much happened. Then I dropped the second one and the third one and the forth one and soon the whole floor was on fire. The flames encircled me and spread along the floor, bitting on the furniture and crawling along the walls. Then they approached me...I did not move. I allowed them to embrace me. The fire on my icy skin was like the sun on the cold snow...melting me...
"YANG SEUNG HO! YOU BETTER OPEN THE DOOR AND LET ME IN!"yelled a voice from behind the closed door.
Where did I heard it before? Where?
It no longer mattered. The flames were eating me alive. Now the pain inside of me was less greater, 'coz the burning sensation that ate my skin and was now devouring my flesh was even greater.
"Go! I do not need to be save!"I chocked with smoke.
Maybe it was too late...
Maybe not...
A silhouette stepped inside my cercle of flames. My vision was blurry and tears were streaming down my cheeks. The newcomer streached his hand like an invitation. To step outside the burning pain?
"Is it breaking free wanting to come alive?"I whispered as I felt the newcomer's long and slim fingers.
And everything turned black.

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