Saturday, March 3, 2012

Once upon a red tree's leaf

Chapter 30:~~Giving up on 'us'

Everyone gasped. I myself couldn't believe what I've just said. After fighting for so give up like that. I was a loser!
"Young man, do you realize what you have just said?"the judge said, leaning a little over his desk.
I gulped. "Yes, sir."
"And you do understand the effects this will have upon the court's decision and upon yourself?"
"That's good then!"he said and for a second I thought I saw him smiling. "Then, I hereby declare that Son Dongwoon will continue his marriage to miss Choi Mi Rae until she wakes up from the coma. After that, if she decides to divorse him, I will be more than honored to be the one that gives the final verdict. That's all! Court, dismissed!"
Everyone stood as the judge stood from his place. I was in a daze. Why on Earth would I do such a thing?! Why? Why? Why? I watched as Dongwoon was hugged by his lawyer, while mine was walking away furiously. I just shrugged and took my coat from the chair. That was when I saw the judge approaching me with a weird expression.
"Can we talk for a while?"he asked whitout further introductions.
I nodded and followed him outside the room. He led the way on a narrow corridor, up the stairs and inside an office.
I listened to him. He poured something in a glass and handed it to me. I looked at it.
"Don't worry, it's not poisoned,"he smiled.
I nodded and took a sip. The liquid burned my throat and the insides of me. Wiskey...
"Son, I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you for the decision you took,"he said while looking at me with interest. "But I'm curious, how did you managed to do it?"
"Judge Kwon, I..."
And the storm began. I cried. I cried my heart out. I cried my cowardice out. I cried over the things I did and said, over the sleeping body od Mi Rae. I cried like the end of the world was coming and I was trying to save someone from frowning. And that someone was me...who had already drak so much water...
And he listened to me. The judge. Just a stranger to me, he listened to me while nodding. I haven't heard one single word from his lips while I told him my story. But then, when I remained silent, holding the empty glass in my hand, staring at my own trembling hands.
"I admire you. I really do,"he whispered after a while. "That was a true act of bravery. You did well, Seung Ho,"he patted my head.
I looked at him and he smiled.  "Mr. Kwon..."
"You can call me Jae Hyun. And I'll call you Seung Ho. How about this?"
And I cried once again. More. Louder. From the bottom of my heart. From the dark corners of my hurt soul. But now I cried for all those dear ones I lost. for mom and dad. And once again, for Mi Rae. I still couldn't believe that after all those dreams and notes she left behind, I found her almost dead. I couldn't belive tha tonce again, I lost her to the same boy that shattered our friendship years ago. There were so many things to cry about and yet she was the only one that made me sob like that.
"What should I do, Jae Hyun?"I asked once I cooled down. "'Coz I surely can't watch him have her and at the same time go out with the other one!"
"Of couse you can't! No one said you should,"he replied while taking his coat from the hanger. "And you sure shouldn't! Just...Seung Ho, you need to put distance between you and them. Between you and her. You need to leave everything behind and move forward. It's the only way to remain mentally stable. Come, I'll drive you home! You can't drive after drinking!"
I followed him outside his office and to the parking lot. A black Sedan was waiting there. I got inside and buckled up.
The rest I don't remember. I don't remember getting to the dorm or getting inside the bed. I don't remember voices calling my name as I drifted into a deep sleep in which I cried. I don't remember anything. The only thing I know is that when I woked up, I already had taken a decision...
"Mister Yang! What brings you back to us?"he shook my hand with a smile on his tired face. "You have to excuse my tiredness. I just got out from a difficult surgery."
I nodded and let out a weak smile. "Dr. Olivies, I'm sorry that I take from your resting minutes, but I had to see you. It's about Scarlett's transfer..."
"I guess you're trying to rush the transfer, am I right?"
I looked into his eyes. "No. I'm sorry, but I think it would be for the best if she would remain here,"I said, watching him lighting his cigarette.
"Is this the only reason? Or better said, the real one?"
I looked at my shoes. They should be cleaned really soon..."Yes. Partly. Her husband has a word in this too, so...""I shrugged.
"I understand. Well, I'll take even better care of her. I will pray for her recovery,"he held his hand out and I shook it.
"Thank you, doctor Olivies,"I mumbled while turning around so that I wouldn't change my mind.
I walked down the large corridors and greeded the nurses dressed in pink uniforms. They all smiled at me, remembering probably as the guy who discovered their Scarlett as his long lost childhood friend. The same guy who failed miserably and was going to leave her for always...I stepped inside the silent ward. As if she recognized the sound of my steps, the heart monitor began cheeping faster.
"Hey there, Mi Rae,""I whispered, leaning over her sleeping figure to kiss her forehead. "Missed me?"
I listened to the silence. Her hert beat monitor...I could take those strong beats as her answers...
"I'm sorry for not visiting you, Mi Rae. I was...hmmm...busy?"I giggled. "It's strange to talk like this. I have the impression that I'm making a fool of myself by talking to myself!"I complained. "So open your eyes, Mi Rae...please? For me?"I pleaded, holding her hand tight.
No answer. No movement. No nothing. Even the heart monitor was slowing down, going back to how it used to sound before I got there.
"I heard about you and Dongwoon...congratulations,"I said, gulping my fear and tears. "I...hmmm...what should I say? I hope he'll make you happy, Mi Rae. 'coz you deserve that so much! And if you're happy, then I'm happy too..."
I couldn't continue. My voice broke and gave me away. I blinked to drive the tears away and then I smiled. "Mi Rae, I wanted to tell you this a long time ago, but something happened each time. But no more. I'm going to tell and then I'll dissapear from your life forever, Mi Rae,"I said, ignoring the warm tears that were going down my cheeks. "Choi Mi Rae, I love you!"
Finally! I said it out loud!
But then again, it didn't bring me any happiness. Only the feeling that I was so close to the end. Too close actually!
With gentle moves, I let down her hand and put it next ot her on the bed. Then I caressed her dark locks and touched her pink lips with my thumb. "Goodbye, Choi Mi Rae! Live a life full of happiness for me, ok?"I muttered a few inches away from her lips. Then I kissed her. I felt her warm lips against mine, so soft and curling into a sad smile. The perfect copy of my own smile...
I took a step behind and watched as a tear went down her white cheek. Was it mine? Was it hers? What did it matter? 
I turned around. I knew that it was that place and time when I left my heart behind and that nothing could bring it back or make me feel it beating again...
I heard a gentle sound behind me. Like a deep breath taken by someone who enjoys the perfume and taste of the air. Like someone who was enjoying living...
"Seung Ho..."

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