Monday, March 12, 2012

I was not made for here

I was born here.
I grew up still being here.
But once my heart matured itself some feelings grew inside of it as well, making me feel lost and unwanted in this pretty little world of liars that's built around me....

Am crescut printre voci care mi-au strigat injurii, mărind diferența dintre mine și ei, împingându-mă tot mai în urmă, obligându-mă să înghit un nor de praf. Am plâns lacrimi amare, dorindu-mi să mă integrez acolo unde n-am fost dorită și acolo unde nici măcar nu mă potriveam. Și nu am dorită. Și nu am fost simpatizată. Și mi-am târât pașii pe drumul plin de urme până când am început să o iau pe cărări adiacente, pline de mărăcini și pietre, de noroi și urcușuri. Mi-am jurat că mă voi ține departe de „autostrada” pe care ceilalți merg lejer. Mi-am jurat că nu o să mai tânjesc după apropierea colegilor...

I broke up with myself and started being the so unsociable human I presently am.
I don't seek for attention and I do not crave for anything else that I already have.
There was a time when I cried bitter tears and wished and begged and asked for mercy. There was a time when everything seemed cruel and I fell from every word someone said against me. Now? Now I smile and move on. No, it was not easy. It still ain't. To hold in so many tears...but the years that passed dried them and now I have but small smiles adressed to everyone. It's not easy, living in a world where no one said one nice word to you, where no one complimented you for something you were really proud of. No, it's not. It's sad, that's what it is. Sad. And...I guess now I don't really mind least, not that badly like I used to. Why? 'Coz I know that everything passes. Everything and everyone will pass by me. People come and go. Family comes and goes. Friends...especially friends, they come and go.
And after so many years of wandering through the desert of my world I realized that I, I was not made for here. I was not born to be here. I, I was born in the wrong place and maybe, just maybe, at the wrong time. But I'll correct this mistake with my own hands. Yes. I will leave. I will leave and forget everything, put everything behind me. I will never return...
And this will seem but a bitter dream that I once had.

I...I was not made for here...

1 comment:

  1. Oh, my dear Child, how much you remind me of my Gray World. It is also called Gymansium by outsiders. I know what it feels like, i know it very well and like you I had to find strengh inside me to leave them. So I said, what the fuck! I can do better, and I did. In highschool, it was not very different, I had few friends, and all the time I preffered to preserve my innocence, dar imi construisem deja o platosa. Nu mam dus la majorate, la petreceri sau nu am chiulit cu colegii prin cafenele de la ore. Din contra imi placea la scoala, pt ca era populata, acasa era singura-la propriu. Aveam povestile mele si cel putin in liceu colectivul a fost un pic mai open/minded. Dar eu am fost una dintre cele doua tocilare.
    Imi pare atat de rau ca traiesti aceste clipe acum in liceu si ca nu vei avea amintiri placute din el. Sau cel putin nu amintiri cu clasa. E trist si crud si la sfarsit stii ca trebuie sa ai grija de sufletul acela din tine, pentru ca... cat va mai rezista?
    Nu e rau in a pleca. Dar sa nu urasti, pentru ca ura chiar e cianura adevarata. Just take my word.
    :*:*:*:*:*:*:*:* It's just a grey time. It will past Mooney Cat.