Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Politely decline

I look outside. The grey sky is threatening with rain. The ground is dry and dust is pretty much everywhere.
I forgot. About the taste of wet and metallic rain. About the sound of water dripping down my window. About you and me. About the bed. About the color of the thunderstorm.
I forgot...about wanting to break free and release myself from the game that cought my life.
I stopped talking to myself and adressed to you countless words and frazes that have no end and no meaning. Words that froze before they left my lips, that became silent before reaching you. Whispers that transformed in sobs and tears that dissapeared without trace. Everything left. Everything that was meant for you dissapeared in the end. I, I remained.
I was not meant to be yours.
The fire that burned me died. The flames that kept us alive froze with time. Now they reflect the moon's rays and the coldness of an endless lake.
I feel lost. I carry with me the last teddy bear that can leave traces on the golden sand. My feet are tired but they keep walking. Round around. The same track, the same sand, the same waves, the same island. Endless cercle of my life, lost and uncapable to break. I can't remember the exact number of all the ships that passed by the shore. I just stood there, hoping that the rain will come and put out the fire signals I, with my own two hands, lighted up for others to see and come rescue me.
I can't feel my heart beats. Not anymore. Not since I hold it out. It echoes strange melodies and calls her twin. But lately her rhythm slowed down, only to die out in the end. I can now say that I finally see reality. I can feel the taste of the rain. And how oh, I enjoy the water on my skin, the thunders rolling in the sky, drawing golden dragons on black clouds and faceless masks on the wet sand.
Yes, I had to hold my heart out to finally realize the truth that has always been there. You left the silent island and I was going to dry out there till someone would have forced me to enter the deep, blue waters and wash away the inferno the burned me to the bone. Yes, I had to seek immortality since I thought you were going to come back. And yes, I had to trust that the echo will run after you till the end of the Earth.
But no, I woked up maybe to early. And I left. The ship that carryed me to the continent was one made of iron. It didn't sink. It floated away, away from the paradise I set fire to...
I'm still holding my heart out since I need to hear the teddy bear I forgot on the wet sand...I need to hear myself.

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