Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Chapter 3 ~~ Venturing Inside Of Me

Humans call it 'sleep'.
Vampires call it 'slumber'.
I call it 'pain'.
It was that thing again. Dream? That's how it's called? Dreaming...neither pleasant, nor unpleasant. Just, a dream. Always the same. Neverending. Bringing back things I thought I forgot or things that I wish I had forgot. Why? Because they remind me of myself, the old human self. I was weak. Weak and prideful. Considering myself the center of the universe, I began looking down on people that served me and looking only at me. I was...spiteful. A bad human. And then I was transformed in the world's predator. A vampire.
I am a creature of the night. I am a blood sucking monster that feeds with fear and tears. I am all of that and yet slightly better than I was during my human years. Why? Because I know nothing about the human heart. I do not have feelings that control me. I am a cold, dead, rational vampire that lived through great disasters and that overcame many obstacles only to wake up night after night. 
I carry with me a curse. Or a virus how Zico would call it. Something that's residenting inside of me and that makes my life a living hell. This is my dream. This is my life. This is...my neverending nightmare. And yet I do not complain. I do not tell the whole world the things I hate about me. And in this dream I dream, I always see HER. The woman without face that made me what I am today. Always coming silently. Always having her face covered, letting only her icy-blue eyes to be seen. Always smiling behind her veil as she's watching me saying soundless words. Always...at first she scared me. Her mute presence following me all day through my colorless dream. Then she became something normal. That until I realized that she was the one I'll never get to see or meet in reality...my maker. That's when  began longing. That's when the now permanent pain in my chest began. That's when my freedom became empty and absolute.
She was the one that forbid me to go into the light. She was the one that brought me back and forced me to stay forever young. She was the one that made me merciless and evil, tough and emotionless. Without being by my side to guide me, I lost my track and began wandering further and further away from what she ment to make me and what I dreamed of becoming.
And there he is again. My colorless dream. Only shades of grey is what I see. She's there once again. Swinging the empty swing. A black cape is covering her from head to toe. She is beautiful. She then turns her head to me, as if my silent steps were heard on the sand. I do not know where we stand. As the setting is completly grey I can't even try guessing. But sometimes the sound of crashing waves is heard. Only sometimes. Our relationship? I couldn't tell you. She's like a flame burning bright inside of me, but sometimes she wan be colder than the ice. This depends from day to day, It's never the same, never having the same expression in her eyes.
Human call it 'love'.
Vampires call it 'attraction'.
I call it 'bond'.

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